The Running Man
**** BM
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Maria Conchita Alonso, Richard Dawson, Jesse Ventura, Jim Brown


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This has got to be the best Arnold film for sheer stupid entertainment value, from "Sub-Zero Now Plain Zero!" to "I will live to see you eat that contract, but I hope you leave room for my fist, because I'm going to ram it into your stomach and break your goddamn SPINE!"

This time around, he's Ben Richards, a noble goober that gets framed for a military slaughter and sent to prison, only to break out, get captured and compete on Richard Dawson's survivalist game show. Then he's running around with his buddies (before they're quickly offed) in really bad outfits trying to outrun and outgun all the heavily-armed psycho bastards that apparently hunt down losers every week on the show. Fortunately, Sub-Zero is now the aforementioned Plain Zero, Buzzsaw had to split, Lighthead Christmas Tree (Grossburger from "Stir Crazy," no less) gets toasted and roasted on more than one occasion, Fireball (Jim Brown) gets blowed up real good and Captain Freedom (JESSE FUCKIN' VENTURA, BABY!) refuses to sully his hands with the punk.

In another fortunate occurance, when Ben finally gets to Richard Dawson, he comes up with the lamest of last words - "Drop Dead" - which allows Ben to come back with the bitingly witty "I don't do requests."

I busted a gut watching this thing again. YAAAAH! Sometimes I wish I didn't find accents so funny, but I can't fucking help it. You can't help what you laugh at, really. Comedy is very visceral. If it strikes you funny, it strikes you funny, even if it's offensive or improper. YAAAAAH!

Rage on - John Matrix vs. Ben Richards. Who would kick who's ass?

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