Deep Blue Sea
** BM
Starring: Ladies Love Cool James, Samuel L. Jackson, Saffron Burrows, Michael Rapaport, Thomas Jane, Stellan Skarsgard

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You know, I felt stupid while I was sitting in the theater waiting to see this film. I was sitting there, waiting to see a movie where sharks scare and eat people. I could have sworn that had been done before. The only reason I went to see it is because I was told that LL Cool J is a huge part of it.

The film doesn't really venture into any original territory at all. Confined space, monsters out to get a small group of people, folks get killed one by one. I think that premise has been completely beaten into the ground. The only slightly interesting thing here is that occasionally someone you don't expect to die ends up becoming fish food. That only happens about once, maybe twice, depending on who you are and what you're surprised by.

A big problem is the fact that sometimes, the sharks attack and rip a guy to shreds in a split-second, and other times, they grab a guy and just zip around with him long enough for the guy to figure a way to break free. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Another problem is that a lot of dialog is kinda slurred and unintelligible, which is compounded at times by Saffron Burrows' accent. There are also some inaccuracies about sharks in general - they're made mostly of cartilege, and if they were hauling them around above water in nets like they did, the sharks would collapse on themselves. There were a few other things of note, but I ain't the expert - the person I went with is.

So we've got a generic movie here, pretty much. Some CGI monkeys were excited because they could make sharks look more realistic (although CGI still looks fake and cartoonish too often) than they were in Jaws 12: Electric Boogaloo, so Renny Harlin said 'hey, let's make a movie.' Unfortunately, nobody had dialog as good as Sam Jackson's part in "The Long Kiss Goodnight" (another Harlin film), so the movie isn't all that much of anything.

LL was a big part of this, though, and that just barely made it worthwhile. I love LL, so I can forgive him for not being as natural an actor as he could be. Sometimes, for me at least, having really cool people in a movie makes it enjoyable, even if they don't act all that well. I've always wanted to make a buddy movie with LL Cool J and Billy Idol just because I think it would be a cool combo.

Yes, I'm nuts, too.

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