Blade II
***.9 BM
Starring: Wesley Snipes, Leonor Varela, Ron Perlman, Kris Kristofferson, Norman Reedus, Luke Goss


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Fuck vampires.

You heard me. FUCK VAMPIRES. I never really bought into the morbid romanticized fascination with nasty monsters that bite people's necks and slurp their blood up as it gushes out of their veins. I've made this joke a thousand times, but I still think they broke the mold with Chocula. That's why it was such a joy to see the first "Blade" movie - Wesley Snipes just walking around kicking the shit out of them every step of the way, and it's based on a comic book. The only downside to that movie was the unfortunate loss of Kris Kristofferson's Whistler to an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound.

So you might be able to fathom my delight in the fact that not only was there another "Blade" movie coming out, but that whole 'dead Whistler' thing was a cunning misdirection, and his colorful swearing would not be missing after all! I believe it's a standard rule of cinema that if you've got a grizzled old bastard that uses words like "shitbird" and "nipplehead," you've got a winner on your hands.

And this one is another winner, although it doesn't quite live up to the snuff level set by the first one, if only because there's no one-liner in the sequel that quite measures up to "Some motherfuckers are always tryin' to ice skate uphill." To be fair, though, "We have to wear some suckpuppy's nutjuice?" is kinda close. But once again, Snipes is kicking all sorts of ass, and even pulling out pro wrasslin' maneuvers in the process, so I must ask thee "what's not to like?'

Well, there's a couple of moments where fight scenes suddenly become CGI video games from time to time. There's also the fact that he has to team up with the vampires this time to fight new creatures named Reapers, rather than just killing 'em all, but I guess I can live with that. Living with the bad stuff is made much easier by a Reaper guy climbing up a wall and then doing a huge Randy Savage flying elbow drop onto Blade.

This is what makes me happy. It ain't that hard.

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