The Kid
** GM
Starring: Bruce Willis, Spencer Breslin, Lily Tomlin, Emily Mortimer


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I am not going to bow to the insipid Disney morons that thought it was a good idea to put "DISNEY'S" in the actual title of the film just to make everybody say DISNEY a few more goddam times in a day. If someone else had a copyright on the name, CHANGE THE NAME! Was Walt himself a megalomaniac like the company that bears his name? Is THIS what he wanted to do when he drew that little goober mouse piloting a little steamboat down the river? Was his intent to subvert the wills of the masses and build up cute military hardware for the eventual globe-spanning war with McDonald's for control of the minds of children? If it is, fuck that guy. Hope he gets freezer burn.

That said, "The Kid" was kinda fun. Bruce Willis plays a superficial asshole fuck that somehow meets himself when he was eight (some weird time travel funkiness that ain't ever explained, which could be a good thing, since it ain't the central focus of the story and would just infuriate geeks who are still pissed about Back To The Future II) and figures out the reasons he hated his childhood and stops being an asshole fuck.

This was mainly fun because I enjoy watching Bruce Willis, I'm attracted to foxy British chicks (Emily Mortimer) and the chubby kid (Spencer Breslin) looked like me when I was that age, minus the red hair. A big problem I had with this is that shot of the kid screaming "I GROW UP TO BE A LOSER!" that is amusing in the trailers is not in the film - it's a more subdued and depressed line, which is hardly the fucking payoff I want if the main reason I saw the film is cuz that line was the most interesting thing in the trailer.

It's a fun film, pretty much without merit beyond 'do what you wanted to do as a kid and you'll be happy.' Luckily, Russ Duritz made enough money being a superficial asshole that he can afford to fuck off and fly planes for the rest of his life. If only we could all be lucky enough to have THAT scenario.

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