Scream 3
** BM
Starring: Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Patrick Dempsey, Jay & Silent Bob


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I saw the first two Scream movies and was pretty much able to enjoy them, despite the fact that I've never liked the horror genre much. Even back in the 80s, when I had no critical abilities whatsoever (although many would say I still don't), I remember despising these movies as stupid, repetitive crap. Most likely because I had a weak stomach in addition to thinking they were crap. The Scream movies were fun in their self-referencing cynicism. Until, of course, they killed off Randy (Jamie Kennedy) in the second one. After that, I realized I didn't give a rat's ass about any of these characters and wouldn't mind any of them getting axhandled into oblivion.

That is why this movie sucked. All the same characters with no one really interesting introduced, with the possible exception of Parker Posey... and she wasn't even all that interesting. It seemed like they were completely out of ideas, but they kept trying to tell us that 'all bets were off.' Oddly enough, the bet I made with myself - that all three of these dillweeds would survive - is a bet I won. "Look out, it's a trilogy, we might do something you don't expect... by doing exactly what you expect." Trick falls just short of being cute, and lands firmly in the realm of insipid.

The only way this film could have worked is if Jay & Silent Bob turned out to be the killers. That would have kicked much more ass than I could ever hope to kick in a lifetime, but no one had the guts to go with that idea. I'd love to see Jay going Wolvie-berserker style at Courteney Cox - "Biggety Bam, no Friends chicks!" Silent Bob using the force to cave Neve Cambpell's head in. But no. It just turns out to be some fuckjob from Felicity Creek or something, and somehow he's responsible for the first two movies as well. Whatever. I guess ol' Wes decided that using as many "people walking alone down dark corridors" as possible would make up for the fact that there was no one in the film intelligent enough to gain our sympathy (shouldn't Neve Campbell, after having every friend she's ever made wind up hacked up purty good-like, have taken a handful of self-defense courses to learn how to fend off a clumsy knife attack like this? I think this is the first thing they teach you in karate classes) and trick us into yelling "Look out!" at the screen... as if they'd be smart enough to LISTEN to us if they could hear us at all.

I'm glad this is a trilogy. It's finally over.

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