The Princess Diaries
**.3 GM
Starring: Anne Hathaway, Julie Andrews, Heather Matarazzo, Mandy Moore, Hector Elizondo


CriminyPete Awards

Good Movie Archive

Bad Movie Archive

The eGroup

Message Board


Unsuspecting innocent movie lovers, beware! There's a thief on the loose! Be careful when you're browsing through your local video rental establishment because, if you make the right selection, newcomer Anne Hathaway will steal your heart!

Now, normally, I don't consider the viewing of motion pictures while seated on airplanes to be the wisest way to first experience a film, what with those pesky 'edited for content' notices, but "The Princess Diaries" appeared to be an absolutely darling story that my world-weary soul could use as a much-needed pick-me-up as I found myself in possession of a heart in desperate need of warming due to these trying times, so I just couldn't pass it up! And lucky for me, I didn't, or I would have missed out on being tickled pink!

The lovely Ms. Hathaway's performance is heart-winning, made all the more so because at the beginning of the picture, she doesn't particularly appear to be her lovely true self! Believe it or not, this lovely lady's loveliness is unlovelified - disguised under the heaps and heaps of large, unwieldy and unbelievably frightening hair and hideous, horrible, unsightly spectacles that her character, Mia Thermopolis (hardly a lovely name - but just you wait, she'll overcome that, too!) sports, seemingly by choice! Not to mention the uncomely, un-chic uniform she has to wear to her San Francisco (what a breathtakingly lovely area!) high school! Talk about a mixed-up young lady!

Luckily for her (and for us, the viewing audience!), she finds out she has a grandmother that is actually the Queen of Genovia (located conveniently between France and Spain!)! Her grandmother is classily played with class by the one and only Julie Andrews, whose majesty and regalness are unmatched by contemporary humanity, except maybe other British people (those accents are just so blue-blooded!)! At last, the backward, befuddled Mia is saved by royalty and extreme wealth, but believe it or not, this young lady is so confused and upside-down about things, she actually thinks discovering that she's a princess is a BAD thing! For the life of me, I can't figure that reaction out! I'd give ANYTHING to be a princess! The tiaras, the lovely frilly dresses, manservants whose sole job is to carry around the overly long and vaingloriously ornate trains of the aforementioned dresses, duck a l'orange for every meal, obscene amounts of cash to do with as I please, the beautiful glass slippers, the sheer joy of being a meaningless figurehead subsisting entirely on the inordinate taxation of blue-collar citizenry who have nothing better to do than thrill to my every public escapade through the pages of magazines of ill-repute, the oh-so-shiny jewelry, that dreamy Prince William of England... er... pardon me. I seem to have gotten carried away just a smidge. I meant to say that it would be good to be a prince. See, because I'm a 'bloke.' Ahem.

Anyhoo! Thankfully, her mother, her majestic grandmother and her constantly screeching and unpleasantly politically-active friend straighten her out as best they can, and she decides to live up to her newfound "responsibilities" in time to prevent fair Genovia from being ruled by unattractive people, but not before going through some of the heartache and discomfiture of high school boy-girl relationships! Oh, what a tricky trapeze they tread! It turns out that the boy she's had such a crush on for so long only starts to like her because he thinks he can become famous by dating her! The NERVE! It's so OBVIOUS that, after Mia goes through the "princess lessons" that Julie Andrews gives her to discover her loveliness, this boy SHOULD start to like her because she's just so pretty! Thank goodness Hector Elizondo knows a thing or two about grace and the Fabulous Italian Larry Miller has the necessary perseverence to lovelify Ms. Hathaway! I tell you, not only did she steal my heart, but when she was finally revealed after her makeover, she took my breath away as well! Stop! Thief! I'll sue! (just kidding!)

Oh! And that adorable little 'foot-popping' wish of hers finally comes true when she realizes there was someone who inexplicably found her attractive before she ever WAS attractive! It's absolutely precious, it is! And she overcomes that unfortunate name of hers, too, by taking her official princess name of Lady Mia Zapfchancery Flusterbunny Joie-de-Vivre Tihffannee Jehosephat Medallion Aimee Chrysanthemum Conquistadora! How positively ROYAL!

Land sakes, I don't think I've seen a movie that so toasted my ventricles since the last movie where a slobby girl becomes beautiful! But what are you still lollygagging around and reading this review for?! Run, don't walk, to your nearest videocassette (or even fancy-schmancy Digital Video Diskette) lending facility and take "The Princess Diaries" home with you today, and maybe, just maybe, Julie Andrews will come to your house and make you rich, famous and attractive! Keep your fingers crossed!

Back to CriminyPete.Com Knee Jerk Spoilers