**.4 GM
Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Gene Hackman, Ray Liotta, Anne Bancroft, Jason Lee


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As a guy that tries to take the many states of mind that one can have into account when reviewing movies, what with the whole 'Good-Bad' movie scale thing going, I freely admit that sometimes, a film comes along that has only one thing really going for it - a particularly foxy member of the gender you are attracted to. It's a human thing to harbor a desire to see it (or so I tell myself), even if the rest of the film looks like crap you'd normally attack with a lead pipe if you saw it emerging from a sewer, which is generally the case whenever Jennifer Love Hewitt shows up in a film. Up until now, the movies she's stuck herself in have had such an overpowering stench of the Golgothan Shit Demon from "Dogma" that they've eliminated any inkling that I might have had to see them, and as such, I'd formed a pretty negative opinion of her acting ability to boot from the bits and pieces I've actually seen.

However, when combined with the presences of Sigourney Weaver, Gene Hackman and Jason Lee in a film, there shone a glimmer of something-or-other that suggested that this might not be the stinking heap of ass-juice that "I'm Pretty Sure You Were Up To No Good A Couple of Summers Ago and I Wish To Assure You That My Memory Is Indeed Not Faulty, and I Do, In Fact, Still Recall Those Events and Yes, I'm Afraid I Must Inform You That I Do Still Carry A Grudge Against You For The Transgressions of You and Your Jackass Loser Pretty Boy Friends, And I Happen To Have A Large Metal Hook That I'm Considering Plunging Into Your Chest Cavity At Some Point, But Of Course, Not In Any Efficient Manner That Might Befit A Calculating Killer, No, I Plan To Draw Out The Suspense In An Extremely Ludicrous and Silly Manner So As To Provide What Some Imbeciles Will Consider Ample Sequel Fodder, So Touche, My Pretty, and Know That Even Casting Jack Black As A Crazy-On-The-Wacky-Tobaccky Dreadlocked Character Will Not Make Either Of These Films Watchable In The Least, Which Makes This Exercise In Stupidity That Much The Sadder." So I decided to check it out with the handy free pass I had.

Turns out to be nothing very special. Mother-daughter con-team bamboozles schmucks out of their money. The main part of this film that affected me was my strange, frustrating reaction to Hewitt. Her body is so ridiculously well put-together that I'm actively annoyed by it. Rarely are the upper and lower halves of my body so starkly divided in opinion. Under normal circumstances, someone like Hewitt would be cause enough to avoid a film completely, but there's a reason her breasts were bigger than Brandy's head in the poster for that stupid horror crap fest. She's not that engaging an actress, and despite the fact that she was supposed to be an 'adult' in the film, her lame snotty attitude made me doubt whether she's legally able to drive yet, much less get married to Jason Lee, who we're somehow supposed to believe has fallen in love with Hewitt when she's done nothing but jerk him around and pull all sorts of shitty shenanigans on him. Even watching her gallavant around in tight clothes isn't enough to look past how grating and ridiculous she is. I guess it's a rule that comedies never have believable romances.

I've also never really had the thing most people seem to have for Sigourney Weaver - might have something to do with not seeing the "Alien" movies until a year or so ago, rather than at a crucial formative point in my childhood - but I always give her the benefit of the doubt because of "Ghostbusters." She's all right here, nothing spectacular, and if I was in Jason Lee's place and just married Hewitt, I seriously doubt her mom coming onto me would be tempting in the least. It'd just be weird and freaky. But, as already illustrated, Jason Lee's character doesn't follow any logic or common sense, despite the fact that he's supposed to be the normal, benevolent guy.

Gene Hackman is pretty funny as the most disgusting guy ever, although he's pretty one-note. It's a funny note, though. Ray Liotta, who has one of the most awkward and creepy grins in the world, is pretty funny too as the guy they bamboozle in the beginning that doesn't give up on them as all their previous marks have done. He's laughably bad at playing characters in the cons he gets mixed up in, which makes for some fun. And he shoots at fish.

Overall, not as bad as I figured a movie featuring Hewitt would be, but much less than a rip-roaring good time.

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